The Real

Re-la-tion-ship:           The way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected


      NOW with that definition I want you to think of how you view a relationship. How does one begin, how do you make one work? Now what ever you just thought of, I want you to totally forget about that, because 9 out of 10 times that’s not real life. Or atleast not real life for people OUR age in 2013.  A relationship usually consists of three people IM JUST BEIN HONEST (hence why in the definition it says “two or more”) just one person isn’t enough anymore, sad truth but someone had to say it....

      Men have side bitches fighting to be a main, and females have dudes lined up on the side just waiting for his chance. There I said, we know it we just keep it to ourselves. ESPECIALLY FEMALES!! No chick is going to admit that she keeps contact open with one or two different men while “seriously” dealing with someone else, JUST IN CASE. WELL there you have it, we do. We all aint shit as a whole. Cant blame the men for this, and men cant blame females for this. Double standards still live, but what females are doing is like the “don’t ask don’t tell” rule… even though im sure if you ask the bitch still aint going to tell, WELP. At the end of the day  were all humans, dick or vagina we need love, affection, attention… ALL THAT. If your man, or girl is slacking in one field you go else where to find it.

      Now don’t get me wrong, I know there are good men and good women in this world that are 100% faithful and totally believe in the word MONOGAMY, then theres the rest of us…. Now with social networks making things easier and easier to find your dream man or girl, “cheating” has became an everyday thing. You click on this profile just to see an attractive female whose selfies are popping….. WHY WOULD HE NOT DROP HIS NUMBER ON AN OLD PICTURE? Especially when you don’t do shit but complain.. YOU KNOW YOU COMPLAIN TOO… you know it, so don't shake your head at me. Ladies he's cheating cus you're probably MAD annoying… lol, just kidding. well, kinda sorta.. not really..

      And you niggas aint any better than these bitches. Yall think just cus you have a long dick that shes just gonna sit around waiting for your trifling ass. UM NOOOO, all she needs is a pedi and mani and Ocho Cinco is gonna follow your queen on twitter. its that simple. and LORD knows your bitch will follow back… and right then and there you lost her…. do you really want ocho telling her how pretty she is? NO so you do your job so the bitch wont be on twitter looking for that niggas approval. DO MORE, everyone do more. Niggas tell your girl her outfit looks dope, her eyes are looking extra chinky today, IDK JUST DO MORE…. Ladies, when your man comes home from a long day, give that man a hug and a kiss. Take his boots off for him, shit RUN HIS SHOWER for him.. LITTLE SHIT DOES MATTER..

      Shit could all be so simple if everyone was just completely honest with eachother and what they want/need… Eventually people get comfortable, and that ruins it. Forcing everyone to step outside the relationship all while still claiming to be the “faithful” one FOH.. I want no parts, none at all. I can admit that, too scared. Relationships is like willingly going to jail… FUCK OUTTA HERE DOG, I'm good.

Wingman turned target

      Ok so IM BACK !!! Back with some fuckery to share with the world, I know how much yall love my crazy and wild but always entertaining stories…. This one will deff be up there. My life could be a movie honestly. The shit Ive done, and the things  I see is something that not a lot of people get to experience in their whole lives, and im only getting started… Judge away if you want, or you could just shut the fuck up and enjoy it............So lets begin the story…

      So it was just a regular day, I was working overnight in VA at the time, so my life was BORING… I was working 12am-8am with the wackest days off….  So any chance I had to go out and have some fun, I took it. An old friend of mine just recently moved to the DMV, and had been wanting to link up and go for drinks. With our schedules always clashing we never made it happen, but this day we were both free. So we made plans to go to get some food, drinks then possibly hit DC to a nightclub.. Let me make this VERY CLEAR right now, me and him were NOTHING more than friends, and later in the post you'll see this. Hes a handsome man, but NOT my type. But he was cool as shit, and knows how to turn up so of course you know we clicked great. He even said a few times that I was a “dyke” because I wasn’t attracted to him, LMFAO that always made me laugh... I like what I like, nothing really can change that. But that was my homie so we made the plans and it was a go…

      He lives a little ways away from Maryland, probably an hour an some change so he had a driver bring him out towards this way, we decided that we were going to hit the infamous strip club stadium. It was no later than 6pm when we headed there. The plan was to go there, cause a little scene, leave go to eat then hit the mean streets of DC, lol if only the night went that way. So we get to stadium and its EMPTY like the only people there were the strippers. I really didn’t care tho, I had on leggings and Jordan's, I didn’t want anyone to see me anyway lol…. So he gets $2,000 in ones, and later I find out he got another $2,000 in bigger bills and kept that in his pocket just in case he felt like being a nigga, smfh fuckin black people.... First thing he does is order 4 shots of patron, NIGGA WHAT ARE YOU DOING????? (oh and just to let yall know we drank some goose before we even walked in this bitch, I wasn’t NICE but I had some alcohol in my system) So were in there and my first thought is “im way too sober to drink patron” so I ordered my typical henny chilled and stood there with the “cmon son” face when he handed me the patron.. I ended up handing them over to the skrippers, might as well get these ladies wasted…

       Now rewind a little bit, home boy was IN LOVE with the girl at the door.. HE WANTED HER SOOO BAD, so my goal was to do that for him. I mean im not for that lets pretend we're frans and end up fucking anyway life, so im going to be the best wingman ever placed on earth. First things first, I had to let alllll these chicks know I WAS NOT HIS BITCH, we haven’t fucked, will never fuck. Im just there to turn up, soon as I let that be known, it was a goo for all of them. And if you haven’t noticed homeboy has some money, at the door he let his occupation be known so these hoes (im only callin em hoes cus I ont know their names) were ON IT LIKE FLIES ON SOME FRESH SHIT….

      He’s handing me a bunch of ones, while downing shots of patrons with the skrippers that were just around us… im just tryna see some ass while I keep throwing back shots of hennessy.. These chicks loved me, well they didn’t love me they loved the fact that it was a slow day and im there just throwing all this damn money, I felt like a boss….. LMFAO… its NO later than 830 and we ordered well over 20 shots of henny and patron….. We got that strip club fucked up… and still the shit was semi empty.. we were the only people upstairs (anyone that’s been in stadium knows theres the main floor and the “vip” which is just up a couple of stairs)…I done threw about $1,700 on like 3 skrippers, and now im here with jus a handful of ones…DOG IT WASN’T EVEN TIME TO LEAVE AND GO TO THE CLUB, IT WAS STILLL SOO FUCKING EARLY… I see that my homie is FUCKED UP, like wasted beyond belief.. like low-key it looked like he was tryna save some of these strippers from themselves on his light skin drake shit.. BUT HEY I ONT JUDGE, I just wanted to be drunk, but my mommy instincts set in and I ordered some wings and fries to try to sober him up… I mean he is a grown ass man, like 6’5 a solid 250 lbs BUT I could see it in his eyes that he was gone, and drunk him has arrived.. Im used to being able to see the drunkness in you humans eyes, I mean come on my girl is clap and anyone that knows her knows that she is the QUEEN of the drunk eyes.

      So im like 7 or 8 maybe even 9 shots in, deff feeling it, but the money I threw had came and go and now we were just there… he hands me money from out his pocket and says “here, throw this” NAH NIGGA, we done did enough for today… save your gotdamn money, I made him put that shit back in his pocket… so now hes leaning and closing his eyes, So im like ITS TIME TO GOOOOOOOOO…. But he didn’t want the night to end. It was still too early to hit a club in dc, so someone suggest going to Fuegos which is just another strippy around the way. He was too drunk tho, I wasn’t gonna be THAT GIRL that let someone OD just because he was drunk, I also wasn’t gonna be THAT GIRL to cock block.

      So we head out, but before then the owner of stadium wanted to meet homeboy. So they spoke for some time, remind you HE WAS IN LOVE WITH THE GIRL AT THE FRONT DOOR, so this nigga asked the owner if she could leave with him.. and this he said YES. So shorty grabbed her shit and headed out the door with us. His driver sees how drunk he is, grabs me and says “I think I should take him home, what do you think” I agreed,  there was NO need to go out and turn up anymore when niggas was already OD wasted. Before I headed out though, I see that homeboy and the girl from the front desk are arguing (I wasn’t tryna be nosey, but I just over heard some shit. I lowkey felt like she didn’t even like him for real just liked the fact that he had money but again I always keep my mouth shut) so shes throwing around MY NAME, saying I was his girl.. BITCH WHAT? So I slide my way over there, and LET IT BE KNOWN I AM NOT HIS BITCH……. chick I told you what it was before the fact THE WHOLE NIGHT YOU WAS ON HIS DICK, and now you don’t wanna leave with him? Don’t put my name in it, just be real, you just don’t like his ass…..

      Now hes mad cus the bitch that he was spending money on and kept stuffing MADDD ONES in her shirt, doesn’t want to leave with him? DAMN light skin girls aint shit, I would of expected that from a stripper but she was just the front desk girl, LMFAO hey I aint mad at you boo…. But now that leaves him heading back home alone… welp, I couldn’t help him I was bringing my black ass back to Maryland to have the best drunk sleep by my gotdamn self…. BUT NO, niggas always gonna ruin a good night…. He grabs me and says “youre coming home with me”………… NIGGA WHAT ????? so I look him in the eyes and say “youre drunk, no im not.. im going home..” …. He then grabs me again, and says “Im gonna give you a thousand dollars to come home with me”…………… HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE, did you just offer me $1,000?????????? GETTHEFUCKOUTTAHEREWITHTHATBULLSHITDOG do I look like a tazangel?? You want me to be an escort sooo bad....Do I look like I sell my pussy? Don’t answer that lmfao. Nah but seriously tho, that made me feel a type of way…. I knew the nigga was drunk but that doesn’t make it ok to disrespect me, and that was blatant disrespect…. So I said again “im going home”…… idk maybe the Patron made him forget what type of female he was out with.. like why wouldn’t he offer them stripper bitches that money, maybe they woulda went for it lol, but cmon son…Before I leave he says “I will take you to newyork, you can buy whatever you want PLUS the thousand dollars” I look him in the eyes and tell him to please make it home safe…. He then said “don’t ever speak to me again if you don’t come home with me”……. So I didn’t. I texted him to make sure he got home safely, and that was it. He contacted me months later, and laughed about the situation, I didn’t really laugh. I still see him as a cool ass nigga but I guess having money makes certain people think that others dont have morals n shit… and that’s just another semi crazy story about the life of spanky….

New niggas... Yall are just different

      
      SOOOOOOO, I'm here to write a nice little list for you humans, gonna hip yall to "NEW NIGGAS" just incase you've been living under a rock for a couple years..... Im here, in bed.. Writing this for your fucking entertainment, so just try to enjoy it, for me. But with all jokes aside, read this shit, ACTUALLY READ IT.. And if it makes you feel a certain way, then MAYBE just maybe it applies TO YOU. Its ok, no one is perfect. Just try your hardest not to be a fuck boy, most commonly known as a "new nigga"... No female wants to bring a "new nigga" home to meet their dads, dads can always tell when his little whore of a daughter is dating a faggot that obviously wasn't raised right.

•       Now, where shall I begin.... Females are KNOWN to gossip... Its in our genes, idk it makes us feel good. We could be on our death bed, but a little bit of shit talking and spreading rumors about another bitch will make her feel so wonderful that she'll even forget the fact that her ass is about to die. WE KNOW THIS, WE AS A NATION ACCEPT THIS... Now, men gossiping doesn't sit too well with me. First thing I think of when I think of a man gossiping is a FAGGOT. And by faggot I mean, a homosexual man that enjoys a penis in his bum (I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST GAYS for the record. But gay men are basically females so its ok for them to do "female like" things) so unless you have sugar in your tank WHY are you sitting around talking, GOSSIPING about another man or even worse A FEMALE. WHO RAISED YOU HEATHENS.. As a man, you're suppose to be A MAN. Manly, a provider, the bread winner. HOW THE HELL is anyone gonna take you serious if they hear "ayo son, you heard about *bleep* she was out with *so and so* but last time I checked she was fucking *blank*" come out your gotdamn mouth? IDK maybe I'm just different. BUT men, or better yet, men that want to deal with a female with any type of sense, please stop this fuck boy act.. IM BEGGING YOU, PLEASEEEE

•       SEXXXX, sexxx is next :) we all love sex.. High sex, drunk sex, forced sex, foreplay, sex on the bed, sex in the shower, sex in the car, SEX period (not literally, well.. sometimes, hey EYE dont judge).. Now, we're all grown. We all enjoy sex. Sex is fun, SO WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU LYING ABOUT THE PUSSY YOU GET? I'll wait......There's enough vaginas in the world for you NOT to have to lie about who you put your dick in. Its 2013 and I am an old woman (22 at that) and I've heard about ME having sex with dudes that I wouldn't even let palm my ass. Where does it come from? Who is the source? SOMETIMES its just a random bored person making up stories, BUT.. BUT other times, its niggas saying "i hit that" when really, he knows deep down inside his tainted little soul that he aint even sniffed the pussy. The sad, the real, THE TRUTH smfh. Yall are different, like for real just straight up different. Lying on your dick is like putting your hand on the bible while in court and lyi.. NVM yo that was a horrible comparison, act like i never said that dumb shit

•       Well I just embarrassed myself with that stupid ass last line, so let me save myself with the next issue.. Homie hoppers.. And NO when I say that I dont mean a nigga that smashes one girl, then smashes her fran. Yes, we know thats fucked up and all but all types of niggas do that... New niggas, old niggas, black niggas, orange niggas, good and bad niggas.... What I'm talking about is the type of new nigga that'll be in the club and or a bar anything close to those environments.. He'll see a group of females and he approaches ONE. He goes in for the kill, and she turns his ass down for whatever reason.. Whether they sat around and chatted for sometime or she quickly shut his ass down, either way THAT WAS YOUR GIRL, SHE SAID "nah".. now its your time to walk away from this particular group of frans and go figure out what life is about. BUT NO, new niggas will most likely, go from that fran, to another...."well what about you?"....while walking towards the next attractive one (in his eyes)..... UMM NO NIGGA. Right there you just said without saying "well the first chick was bad, she turned me down. Let me go for the next best thing" that dead ass hurts a females ego worse than a nigga calling her ugly. HOW THE FUCK DONT YOU NIGGAS SEE THIS.. Now, there are some desperate basic bitches that'll fall for the bait, but lets be honest, we don't care much about those type of woman, or maybe you do? thats something you gotta deal with when you rest your head at night...

• Last but not least (there are soooooo many other fucked up things you new niggas do, but EYE dont feel like boring the world with a long ass list so i'll end it with this one) As humans, we ALL have feelings. We all feel sad when something sad happens... Happy when something that makes you happy happens, and ANGER. fucking anger. EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT ANGER FEELS LIKE. Lets talk about the hurt men in the world..... Not every female you go up to is gonna find you attractive, we learned that with the last paragraph. Some of you niggas do NOT take rejection well. Thats ok, go home and punch a wall or something... DONT CALL a female a wack bitch 2.8 seconds after she just turned your ass down. WHAT TYPE OF HOUSE TRAINING IS THAT???? I have a serious question though, did you get hugged enough as a child? Like did you witness something as a kid that you haven't got over? Lets talk about it, because that hurt is REAL. You went from the sweetest man, telling her how pretty she is.. How good she smells, how her walk is so heavenly.. TO THE GOT DAMN HULK tryna flip over cars n shit. SHES JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU BRO, and you stating that her pussy is probably trash isnt gonna make her change mind on you... 

      Now that ive stated those few but very important issues with new niggas i hope I can help the ones that need it. First step of recovery is admitting you have a problem, and if you read anything off that small list and your stomach turned or felt like it was in knots then you are a NEW NIGGA. But dont worry, you can still get help before its too late...Dont let your pride or your ego continue to hold you down as a weak man that will never prosper in life, DO BETTER BOO... Who the hell do I think I am? LMFAO, I gotta chill. Just hope you people read this, enjoyed it and now understand what a New nigga is....

Who is that "SPANKmeLATERR" b**ch

      Let me start off by saying, this post isnt even funny, NOT AT ALL.. just me talkin basically. I just want to speak on some real shit real quick, I'll be back with some funny stories soon, i promise. Now let me start..................So if you don't know me, I am @spankmelaterr.. On twitter, on instagram (even though some fucktards got my old shit deleted and my new one is @spankmelaterr_), on youtube, on tumblr, on vine.... Just about everywhere if you see SPANKMELATERR with 2 R's, that's me.. Im no one special. Just a regular 22 year old light skinned girl with ok good looks under a filter. Got a decent body that I know how to angle well while taking pictures. I don't rap, I sure as hell cant sing. I refuse to strip cus the last thing I want is for my future daughter to find out her mommy was shaking ass for dollar bills. I don't "ass" model for the same reason, even though I aint shit right now... I plan to be shit one day. Im normal, like any other person.... I tweet, I instagram dope and funny pics. Oh and not to mention I have an iight following. A few thousand people enjoy seeing my pictures and reading the fuckery that leaves my mind onto the keyboard then onto my twitter timeline

      But the question still is, who is spankmelaterr? Now unless you know me, you'll never understand ME, and even then no one really knows me......but I can help you somewhat understand who spankmelaterr is. I think I was cursed from since before middle school, I was always a tomboy, always got along better with niggas. Always was the one tryna play basketball and football with the niggas because sitting around gossiping didn't seem like "fun" to me. But eventually I grew up and realized that unless im gonna fuck females and dress like a dude, I have to hang out with bitches. Which im ok with that, but for some reason I still click better with men than females. NOT my fault tho. Females see that as a threat I guess. The fact that I can wear jordans during the day, then change into a dress and 6 inch heels at night all while never changing how I act probably makes them nervous, i guess.

      I mean well though.. Seriously i do.. All you may see on my timeline is nothing but twerking and hennessy but behind all the fuckery, Spanky has a big heart.... I give clothes away to little girls that I know that arent probably able to dress like the other kids in school, due to their parents financial situation. My biggest weakness is kids that cant "be like everyone else" and they have an issue with it. Every since I was younger I was always a "leader" and never really followed trends, but there were alot of things that I wanted growing up ... All the rich white kids had it, but i couldnt afford it, so to be able to help young girls now just makes me feel good.. Im the first to help a drunk female, because I wouldn't want that to be me. NOT everyone is willing to help a stranger, but i really do believe in good karma, plus like i said, i have big heart..Im going to tell you how dope your dress looks on you, if youre rocking that shit. I'll stop and talk to just about anyone, old, young, white, black, orange. Im just fun, and I like to have fun everywhere I go. Im legit a free spirit, some even say a cool ass nigga in a vixens body.. I entertain little kids in the store because even though I don't want kids now, I love kids......... I say it all the time, its my favorite saying "I aint shit" but seriously, I am shit. Im young and living my life and I know everyone wont like me for their own personal reasons, but I make sure not give anyone a reason to hate me. Im the furthest thing from bougie, just a free spirit that just wants to live life before this sucka ass world blows up or I die from liver failure, which ever comes first. Im hardly ever serious, I just think life is meant to be lived like its your last day, everyday.

    
      Within the past 3 weeks, 3 separate dudes have asked me "why don't females like you spank".. "why are females always asking about who spankmelaterr is".. Now the typical answer would be "theyre just hating" BUT realistically that's a corny ass fucking answer. Females (and also the petty men, cant forget about them. The niggas that have dicks but act like pussy) follow my every move. Check on me on social network, ask around about me, check on me while im in the club minding my gotdamn business. They are just focused on who I am, who Im around, how I live this little life I live. Now I don't know if that's why im so popping or not, but why ask about who I am, if you see my every move? Why worry about someone that you really dont care to get to know, because you already dont like them for whatever reason? IDK you humans are weird..

      A lot of people, especially on twitter feel as if they know me. And I think its trill as shit honestly that people actually fuck with me the way they do. I don't have go the extra mile to get attention, Im literally just being me and getting noticed for it. I know im not a vixen and eventually twitter will run its coarse and it'll be played out, but before then I want people to either love me or ignore me. Block me. mute spanky, spank, spankmelaterr, I KNOW ALOT OF PEOPLE THAT HAVE DONE THAT lmfao.. If you dont love me, then leave me alone.... Seriously tho... I can only imagine how many people that hate me are reading this, LMFAO hi guys.. Just love me, im great I PROMISE...

      So with that being said, you still dont know who i am. Just look at it like this, im the random yellow girl thatll twerk in traffic.. I ask for netflix passwords because people make me giggle. I dont hate on females because hating is for the weak..I talk to everyone when i see them, all you gotta do is look friendly and imma start a conversation with you because thats just me...,I dont think im any better than anyone cus we all suck as a team.. Spankmelaterr is just me, my online personality that just so happens to act real fricking similar to the girl behind the computer and phone screen. IM JUST REGULAR... reg-u-lar.. And Im ok with that..

.....Part two Jamaica, Jamaica

                                                       

   Eventually we all started getting ready, not even knowing what we were going to be doing... All we knew was that we were gonna all be pretty light skinned girls, drunk somewhere in a club. So we were given two options, and being US, we didn't care where we were going as long as there was liquor and music it was going to be a successful night.... again so we  thought. We end up picking some random ass place, all we knew was that it was in Queens and it was called Karens Place or something along those lines. In the middle of getting dressed I'm trying to google this place to see what type of music they play, dress code (not like it matters for females but you know) I really was just curious about this place that I never heard of.... Eventually i just gave up cus honestly, I've been to New York two times in my life, I dont know shit out here anyway...

      So at this time were 100% SOBER. None of you twitter fucks used your fucking brains and told us that liquor stores in NYC are closed on Sundays  Like wtf who does shit like that? I'm from fucking Taunton and our liquor stays open to atleast 10, yall gotta really get your proprieties straight. Lacy lives out there, so shes the one who made the plans for us. Around 1230ish her people that were going to bring us to the club show up. Boy oh boy, they walk in our room with NO alcohol in their hands. That was the beginning of this interesting fucking night. We specifically told them come through to pregame (the only reason why they actually went into the hotel) butimsleeptho....

      Whatever so we end up heading out. Taking two cars cus we were pretty deep. Started our journey to this club in queens, dog i get so mad every time I say that. We go through a toll, stay on the highway for some time, go down a few side streets and i hear "its right there"... SOOOOO now in my lil greedy mind I'm like "OH YEAH WERE STOPPING TO GET FOOD YAY YAY YAY" but nah... this nigga goes around the corner and parks the car. I'm just lost like, we are on a street with houses. There's a fucking park to the right of us, where are we and what do you think youre gonna do to us because my mother loves me and she will notice if i dont ever update my facebook status again...

      He goes "this is the club", were just here early. OK, so I understand we're in New York and all but theres no way that we were THAT early NO line, NO SIGN OF FUCKING LIFE ANYWHERE... So first thing I said was "Well this looks wack already, so I'm not going"... He turns around from rolling his blunt or whatever the fuck it was, and he goes "It will get popping around 2:30, Jamaicans are always late".... NIGGA WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME??????? So now I know that this is a "club" that looks like a corner store that sells plates of food, and that there are gonna be nothing but Jamaicans there, great just fucking great. So in my head im thinking, were all yellow with long nice hair, GOD WE ARE GOING TO DIE TONIGHT. So we start pulling the "We are over dressed" line....this lil shit was quick he came back with the "Nah Jamaican girls always make sure to show out when they come, you guys are fine".... Lord, in a way he was right. Later we ended up seeing a couple females in prom dresses but you know im not here to judge anyone..

if you look to the far right you can see
the girl in the prom dress

      I still wasnt gonna budge though, no way was I going to pay to get into a "club" that could be mistaken as a house party, I refuse to die from a bullet in Queens on this Sunday night.. Just refused, I'm good. So he convinces us with his little convincing ass that we wont have to pay becasue were going deep. So now im just thinking, yay we can just all chip in and take a cab to a NORMAL club. Shit idc if thats cheap or not, I was NOT paying to get into a wack place NOPE, NAH wasnt happening not on my watch. We get to the door, and they say $20 each. LMFAOOOOOOOOOO yeah ok, im like leggo ladies, the city awaits us.. These dudes DID not want us to leave tho, they ended up paying $180 just to get us to walk into this place. Well, we walk in and it looks like someones babyshower was going on. DOG what did we just get ourselves into. Not to mention we were THE ONLY PEOPLE THERE besides the DJ, and the bartender. But in their defense these niggas went and bought a bottle of Hennessy  YESSSAHHHHHH.. Jesus the way to my heart is through my liver so they went from bad to WONDERFUL in 8.7 seconds.... But you know what that hennessy does (or maybe you dont, if you dont then you might wanna get hip to life)..... no matter where you are, or what youre doing Hennessy will always turn a bad night into the night of your life. And thats exactly what it did. We finished the first bottle in minutes, literally. Because we all filled our cups up with JUST Hennessy and drank it as if our lives depended on it.

This was their bar. TALK ABOUT GHETTO

      Now we could either sit around and bitch and complain about how small the place was, how they served the bottle in a bowl full of ice, how we were still the only people there and it was 215 BUT we decided to just take advantage and turn the fuck up... TURNDOWNFAWHAAAAAA??? Eventually they get a second bottle, and finally people started showing up. Not like it mattered anyway, these people hated us. We were the youngest people there, and not to honk our horns but we were the most attractive. THEY HATED US WITH EVERY BREATH THEY TOOK. Females lookin like keyshia coles mother and all, walking through our circle while we were dancing. Females always wanna try some shit. Too bad we arent real hoodrats, we just continued drinkin and dancing as if we were in an acutal club... So after a few cups, we all just come to conclusion that we can go back to the hotel and find something else to do. You know since we were in the city that doesnt sleep. Soon as homeboys saw we wanted to leave they bought ANOTHER bottle. So me, im just happy that theres music and Hennessy, its really not that hard to make me happy.....  But this got damn place was filling up and ALL EYES WERE ON US. Not one single soul was dancing but us.

      I invited my homie Henzo out to the "club", I mean if we were gonna be drunk and black in a random place I wanted a familiar face around. So by the third bottle everyone ends up bringing drinks to him. Filling his cup up with Hennessy  LMFAO we are horrible, giving another nigga some other dudes liquor, BUT HEY WE TRIED TO LEAVE ITS THEIR FAULT NOT OURS. As a team, all of us decided that we should just leave because there no way the night was gonna end well since the whole club was STILL just staring at us like we were fucking dinosaurs.. So we continue drinking up the liquor while trying to figure out our escape plan.

      So we just volunteered Henzo and his car to bring us back to Manhattan  But little did we know this nigga had a two seater LMFAO. Oh let me not forget, were still in the "club" and Kimmy and Clap grab a wallet, look at me and say WE ARE LEAVING LETS GO (dog, if yall read my blog post about joe budden then you would know that my frans are obvioulsy thieving ass hoes..... Take them to meet a rapper, they try to steal. Take them out to a Jamaican spot they try to steal.I REALLY DONT KNOW WHERE I FOUND THESE PEOPLE)  So now we really have to leave. Fuck, I just wanted to drink some more but you couldnt leave the place with alcohol  Well unless you were smart like mama spank... I filled my cup up with Hennessy  put my jacket on. Two of our girls wanted to stay the rest of the night tho, so i said my goodbyes and walked out that bitch. I find the lil thieves on a step looking so fucking suspicious.. They just start laughing "Spank, guess what we did" so im like "i know wtf yall did, yall aint shit... yall stole a wallet, i know.. all im asking is that you guys buy me some food"... but no, there was more.. "We stole Rubys wallet".. Now for those of you that dont remember or didnt even read the fucking first post... RUBY CAME TO NEW YORK WITH US. My frans are blondes and they deserved that.. These bitches stole from their own fran. Didnt take karma no time to bite them in the asses..

      The two girls that planned on staying end up coming out because they were mad and scared shitless cus someone "stole" Rubys wallet. Ummm no nigga, your frans did LMFAO. Thats deff a story to tell their kids. Henzo ended up helping us get a cab from queens back to the hotel room.. Before we got back to the room we got beer, because thats all CVS had (and Doritos  two  bags at that) We end up drinking talking, bullshitting, drinking a lil more, eating Mcdonalds... Everyone slowly dropped like flies though. Me, Ruby and Henzo were still up though just talking and bullshitting. We all of a sudden have a random awkward silence, and suddenly Clap wakes up from her dead ass sleep and starts twerking... LIKE NIGGA I MEAN, TWERKKKK TEAM TWERKING. Shes fully clothed, drunk as shit, on all fours on this hotel bed throwing it back as if she was fucking someone. Now dont get me wrong, it sounds so fucking weird but that is Clap for you. You have to expect the unexpected when youre her fran. We finish the bag of Doritos and we all just knock out.

      We woke up and the vacation has come to an end :( We ended up being hoodrats one last tine. Running the streets of New York trying to find food. Walking for blocks singing every old school R&B song you can think of at the top of our lungs. Doing the "bernie", really just being young racthets in action. And that was our trip.. One thing I learned from all this is was one, dont trust any "club" that you cant find on google. And two, once Jamaican woman hit 30 they end up going out in prom dressses..... BYE
                                                 

New York, New York (part 1)

      So it was a normal Tuesday night on twitter.. I'm siting here watching all my followers, some being creeps and sick ass pervs... a few bitches posting thirst traps, you know a normal night. I then see my girl clap talking about how shes going to New York for the weekend...... BITCH WHAT??? i moved to Maryland and she all of a sudden she thinks she can move around and visit other states without my approval? NAH. I was more hurt than anything, so i did what any real nigga would do... Invited myself. I started picking out "new yorky" outfits to bring with me. Had my bags back by 3am Wednesday morning, shit the lonely life is real around here... Saturday morning couldn't come any quicker.. I bought my ticket for 8am. I wanted to be out there some what earlier, because when you start drinking at before 1pm your day is bound to be awesome....

      Friday came along, my bus ticket was paid for, my bags were packed, and I was mentally ready to have a mini vaca with clap... My girl from out here ask if I wanted to go to the club with her though. So me being a "smart" individual I say YESSS.. I had it all planned out in my head, I can just go out come home, shower and go straight to the station... SMFH I dont even know who I am b, cus I ended up getting so fucking drunk....Typical Spank though.. I walked in there sober, telling myself "Spank, you're gonna only have a couple drinks"... Haha if only I knew how to listen.. Wale ends up in MY VIP (I say my VIP cus I was there first but whatever) So these coons are poppin bottles, you know how it goes when rappers are in the club... Im just there, drunk as shit... Dancing with two cups in my hand. One henny straight, and the other was some mixed drink... Not to mention I got one of my DC homies passing me champagne, i was really just a drunk ass black girl. IDK who raised me dog. But that's besides the point.. I end up missing my first bus to New York...LMFAO, i really aint shit... I had to pay another $40 to catch the next bus which was at 9:30. So i just sat around, Hennessy coming out my pores feeling like a homeless bum.

      So this bus took years, I fell asleep most of the time but still I was on it for too damn long.... Next time someone remind me to take the train cus I'm not for that staying on a bus forever life. I get to New York and its snowing. GREAT. This bus drops me off in the middle of the street, not sure if im drunk, or hungover yet. I'm just THERE. So I speak to clap, her and the girls are at the hotel, which was only a few blocks away... So again, in my head im like "bet, lemme get my sex in the city on and catch a gotdamn cab" NAHHHHHH wasn't that easy. I was waving down these fucktard ass cabs for longer than 45 mins. I even contemplated on just laying in the middle of the street and letting the yellow cabs kill me, I mean my friends didn't care that I was just stuck on a random street and couldn't catch a cab, why should I?

      I get to the hotel, cold as shit (Not to mention my drunk ass forgot my coat on my bed)\... We're sitting there, had to wait because check in wasnt til 3... ladeedeeladeedoo, there was a total of 5 girls, including me. Ruby, Charlie, Kimmy, and Clap. We get up to our room, and we turn up.. Like, on some sober turn up shit. Eventually our girl Lacy brings the liquor, praise lord jesus christ. Were getting ready with Meek Mills dreams and nightmares intro on repeat because only real niggas do real things.. Were taking shots, chasing it with more liquor. Trying to figure out what were gonna get into for the night. So eventually, we figure out that were gonna go to BB Kings. Now me, being a joe budden fan, I know he performed there... So my creep ass just wanted to go for that one reason, I know I need jesus. We were all just about ready, me and Kimmy (she low key was my partner in crime) decided to play ding dong ditch. We both were dressed. Her with a cute lil mini skirt, and me with leggings on OF COURSE.. We had on the highest of heels, but for some sick reason we decided to run around the fucking hotel hallways, again idk who fucking raised me dog. Thank god we didn't get caught, two grown ass woman getting kicked outta the Westin for knocking on random doors, smfh.

      Kimmy ended up losing her phone on the way there(talk about being a blonde.. jkjk i love you girl sorry for your lost), we get to BB kings and she finally realizes this. While shes pancaking about where her phone is people are staring at us like they aint never saw ass before. A group of kids (ages from 17 to like 19) were asking me all types of questions. "who are you" "what do you do" "are you famous". so what do you think I said? FUCK YES IM FAMOUS.... who cares if I'm only famous in my head??? These kids don't know that.... Outside of this club taking instagram pics with them like I'm important n shit, too bad they didn't know that i work a 9-5 and take the train to work...Fuck it I'm in NY, I can live this fake life..

      We get in the club and its just as great. The females I was with were getting treated like the princesses they are, we were just flourishing all over NYC. We were having a good time. Now, lemme just say. You New York niggas ALL NEED JESUS. Yall see females and start grabbing and licking your lips, staring us down with sex in your eyes, chill out b.. thats mad fucking creepy for real. It was just different. Idk maybe its normal out there but nah... I dont know how many times I threatened to kill a nigga for grabbing one of my girls.... And not even on no cock blockin shit either, on some "you look like you could be my uncle, fall the fuck back before you get this 6 inch heel up your ass... real nigga wussup" type shit.

      So the club ended up being a success, we all got drunk and had the best time. We stumble into the hotel lobby, all eyes were on us. The concierge, all the security guards everyone just stopped and waited to see what we were going to do next. These people really thought we were something important, lmfao pssstttt, hey who are we to change their views on that?? We ended up meeting a black dude in the elevator that invited us to his room. Fuck it, we were all hungry so we might as well get some food.... Plus it would be hard to kill a group of black girls, you know with the loud mouths and everything. We walk in, and everyone is drunk as shit, but i wasnt "SPANKY BLACK GIRL DRUNK"....I was "lemme watch out for my drunk girlfrans" drunk.. Something about this dude was kind of off, but shit if he was harbouring some food I guess he could be as weird as he wanted to be .. The girls start conversing with the two dudes in the room, and I just happen to look to the right and see a bunch of coke on the table. Just coke, there..on the table..Now I'm all for niggas getting it how they live it, thats really none of my business if this random dude was selling coke to feed his family TIL I saw the rolled up dollar bills... NAH nope, were good... Soon as I saw that I knew it was TTG.... Not trained to go but TIME TO GO... I grab these bitches, and tell them we have to leave NOW. A couple were confussed and lost cus they didnt see what i saw. Lacys drunk ass is over in the corner staring out the window at the sky like a fucking creep of nature.... I grabbed them all and forced their drunk ass down the stairs. We finally got to our room and the drunk slumber beings.

      The next day was filled with a bunch of hoodrat fuckery. Walking blocks, getting lost tying to find burger king while ending up at mcdonalds. Everytime we crossed the street we would do our "drake" dance and scream at the top of our lungs singing STARTED FROM THE BOTTOM all off beat n shit. Just 6 bitches all shapes and sizes acting like we had no type of house training. NYC was not ready for these Massachusetts girls, obviously... The day consist of us lamping around and doing a whole bunch of nothing. It was cold as shit and windy, fuck did we look like site seeing in NYC??? But tonight, of course tonight would be the turn up, or so we thought.......

went from all good to all bad.. ORDINARY LOVE SHIT

      OK sooo let me start off by saying if you know me then you know that im a legit Joe Budden fan. Wouldn't call myself a stan, but I love the mans music. I been a loyal fan for years now, way before it was cool to do so... You know how he got a whole bunch of new fans after OLS3, yeah I was there way before that shit....I went to his show in 2010, out in Boston at the middle east. We got there extra early just so we could get a good spot. Smh got there and that shit wasn't even half way full.... I was hurt but I was also like "fuck yeah more joey for me.".... There was literally 4 girls there, including me and Esthers bitch ass, wack big boobied self on the fucking stage. I really cant stand that bitch but whatever. Nowadays if you go to a joey show you gotta pray the shit doesnt sell out, smh you groupies really have no chill!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. IM HAPPY FOR HIM THOUGH.. I was never really sexually attracted to him like that, hes light skinned and I'm not really into that shit LMFAO..... I loved him when he couldnt even get his @ name to be joebudden (real niggas remember that)... but his music really just made me have a different love for him, always have and always will.. 

      Iight lemme start my story now. SOO I go to Miami, spring break. Living this yolo life with my girls. Really just enjoying ourselves. BUT I see a tweet  saying that slaughterhouse was gonna be in Fort Lauderdale. WHATTTTT, I knew I had to get tickets. Me and my girl made a few phone calls and boom we got 4 tickets to go see them. So now im amp’d. im not really a slaughterhouse fan, but fuck it. I can rock out to a few of their songs, I wasn't missing this shit for anything. So we get ready, we were planning on going to KOD after because it was a Monday, and shit we were on spring break so we we're gonna have to turn up eventually...

      We head out... Now something ALOT of people dont know about me is that im a little bitch, seriously...... I can talk to just about anyone about anything, but certain people i get real nervous around..... IDK how to explain it and IDK what the hell it happens, but it just does.. I get like a shy little kid around certain people.. Now I told myself I wasnt gonna drink that much....BUT anyone that knows my girl clap, knows that fucking girl will drink anything in front of her. MORE POWER TO HER. I was gonna enjoy this show, and remember everything. We get there, it wasn’t too packed but it deff wasn’t empty. We were the only group of females in there. 4 good looking females looking like they’re going to the club, everyone must of thought we was looking for some hard dick and bubble gum smh, but i didnt care... i was gonna act like the true fan I am with these 6 inch heels on and everything..

                NOW none of my girls are joe budden fans, shit I don’t even think they knew joey was in a fucking group. But them being my girls they knew how much it meant to go to the show so they just thugged it out for me. The show was almost over, Royce being from Detroit ended up playing some Eminem. One of my girls knew the song, shit I was proud as shit, she knew the whole fucking thing I couldn’t stop laughing. But one of my girls said she was gonna make a phone call so we could do the meet and greet. And her being the amazing woman she is, we got the flag to go. So nooowwww im just a mess. Nervous, sober, probably was sweating so fucking bad. We get in the back and this nigga walks by me, NIGGA NIGGA NIGGA. I didn’t even need for him to stop and say shit, I was good with just looking at him from a distance cus im a fucking creep. Im Helga Pataki from hey Arnold on the low..

      He comes over, and everyone’s likes "Spank loves you..." "Omg spank wants a pic".. And I’m just standing there probably red as shit like “Hi”. This nigga hugs me, idk that was like the most nervous ive ever been in my life.  THIS MANS MUSIC HAS DONE SOO MUCH FOR ME, made me get through a lot of shit. Idc if you humans don’t understand, the love I have for his music is just something I can’t put in words.... So I get my picture, and this is where the fuckery begins. CLAP wants a pic. She holds onto him and says "yo joe just throw up YOLO" ( as she throws up our “Y” for yolo”) hes like wtf no, im not throwing that shit up… she mugs this nigga like fuck you.. smh.. She gets her picture, joe just looked mad as shit LOL.
                            

      We get to hang out in the back room with slaughterhouse for a lil, took a few shots with Royce. It was cool as shit, just an awesome ass experience. So they invited us to KOD with them, we were already planning on going there so it was a go.Mannnnnnnnnnn, do you understand how happy I was? I get to go to KOD, and be around my favorite rapper. Jesus was really on my side at the time. We hop in the car, “B” being the fake drunk sober fran, she’s driving; I’m in the front seat. They told us to follow their truck so they can go and change and then we’ll head out. Fuck yesssss, I was just happy to know that joe budden was within 20 feet of me. They end up taking forever, so we drive in front of their truck basically to tell them to hurry their black asses up… then, we see someone run up on the car. Its  muthafuckin joey, he just jumps into the backseat. Now at this point, I can’t breathe. I’m just like do I turn on his music, do I start rapping. Do I fake sleep wtf do I do.

      He says just bring me to the hotel.....NOWWW claps drunk ass is in the back with her feet on the back of the seat, like a drunk bitch. And my other girl “D” was mad how he “approached” the car and jumped in. So she’s literally arguing with him. YES SHE IS ABOUT ONE TONE AWAY FROM CUSSING THIS NIGGA OUT. I’m just sad, mad, I really wanted to crash into a wall so everyone would just STFU and die.  I’m embarrassed as shit. My favorite rapper is in OUR car and my frans are fighting with him. LIKE WHO RAISED THESE HEATHENS. Claps just being drunk and saying dumb shit and joe goes “yo yall gotta learn how to handle your liquor” NIGGA WHAT. So now my hoodrat side was gonna come out, I’m like “NO” but that’s all I said. In my head I stood up for everyone "NO BITCH YOU CAN GET THE FUCK OUT" but nothing but "NO" came out my mouth. I mean he beat esther ass who am I to put this man in his place? Nah im good lmfao JUST KIDDING, i had too much love to tell him to "shut the fuck up".... He ended up going back and forth with them, til we get to the fucking hotel. I was in the front seat writing out my suicide letter, cus I just didn’t wanna be alive anymore, no point really.. My favorite rapper hated my frans meaning he hated me. Meaning he didnt want me listening to music meaning my life was over....

      So by this time I just wanna go to KOD be drunk and see bitches with fake butts with the Mood God. He invites us up to his room (and yes this sounds so slutty and yall are probably thinking someone’s bouta get fucked so hard to MM2 but continue reading....) We go up to his room, and just sit there. He takes his shoes off, sits Indian style on the couch. This fucking nigga looked like buddah with a damn cigarette in his hand... I remember clear as day, the Knicks were playing. So I was thinking about bringing up JR Smith to spark a convo, but then I was like nah this really aint gonna make him laugh, WTF spank JR Smith smashed his ex queen why would you even think that you dumb bitch.... Im really just so fucking corny. So I sat there, and watched this basketball game. Just thinking of how I can tell him that I really love him and his music and I’m not a groupie, even though i may look like one..... Because no matter how you look at it, any decent looking girl is a groupie IDCIDC.... Were sitting here, all silent. Claps drunk in the corner putting his clothes on and shit. She ask to use his computer, this bitch tweets from his computer “IM ON JOE BUDDENS LAPPIE TOPPIE” I really fucking hate her as a person. 
                                        

      He wanted ice cream so he went down to the vending machines, to get some.... “B”’s ass went with him, I love that girl but I mean if someone was gonna fuck joey we were all voting her to do so. They should of never left us in that damn room. Clap and “D” start picking shit up, wanting me to take pictures... Clap got on 3 of his hats at the same time, holding his louie bag with his sun glasses on talking bout “take a pic”…  MAN idk where she comes from, but she got some loose screws I swear. “D” looks at me and says “LETS STEAL SOMETHING” sooooooo now im like bitch who the fuck are you and what did you do with my fran.  These bitches done lost their fucking minds being in this hot weather I swear.... IM LIKE BITCH DO YOU NOT REMEMBER THAT I AM ACTUALLY THIS NIGGAS FAN, why are yall doing this to me.. I was dead ass hurt like she was tryna steal from me. I was half way in tears, like why did satan set me up with them.... He comes back in the room. Im sitting there shaking my head, in my head. By now I don’t even wanna be there. One of my frans just tried to steal from him, another one is drunk in a corner and the other one probably just showed the man I love her tig ol bitties in the elevator. MAN this day is just going so bad. Eventually I just come to the conclusion that I’m not gonna say shit, imma let him think that were just ditsy bitches tryna say we hung out with a famous nigga. Smfh.  So I then said we should just leave and go to KOD, I mean my night was ruined already, I just wanted to drown myself in any type of alcohol and regret the rest of my night. BUT no the fuckery didn’t come to an end, not yet.
                                      
                                    

      We’re saying goodbye, getting ready to leave. I give him a hug, and took an extra deep breath like the creep I am. Clap just quickly walks out to room, so I’m like wtf, I follow behind her. And she goes “spank lets go, fucking follow me now”.. At this time I’m lost like bitch wait for everyone else. She goes “no bitch lets go, where’s the elevator? I have his glasses COME ON.” Omg omg omg omg omg omg omg MY FRAN IS THE CRAZIEST BITCH EVER I couldn’t do shit but laugh, if I didn’t laugh I was gonna cry. I just wanted to lay in the fetal position and cry for my mother. So I whispered "give them back"'. We turn around, see a light skinned bald headed dude and he goes “I would really hate to put my hands on you” NOW, if that wasn’t the funniest fucking thing. He really is just a calm ass soul, he said it so politely.... I really didn’t think it was possible for someone to be so nonchalant about wanting to beat a female’s ass. She looks him in his eyes, laughs, slowly takes the glasses off and says “I forgot I had them on”.

      This bitch laughed in his face.... Like didn’t try to make the lie seem believable, just laughed.  I walk out this place with my head down, heart just hurting so fucking bad. Mad as shit at anything with a vagina. And to make the night even worse we didn’t even end up going to KOD. So all in the matter of 24 hours, I got Joe Budden tickets, went to a show. Hugged my favorite rapper, drove him around. Found out my frans were thieves, and drunks. And never got to tell him that I loved him for real. All that was just too much for me. I can laugh about it now, because it was a while ago and ive gotten over it. I guess this is like the whole forgiving part of life, I forgave my girls, and I still hate them though for ruining my life. I later got a text about the sun glasses incident smh was told “keep your girls home next time” LORD. Well at least that means there could be a next time

      Claps still my fran, and joey is still the greatest to me. I just know not to mix business with pleasure or in this case, alcohol with your favorite rapper. I ended up getting to go to another one of his shows, I could have met him then too but I was just all set, traumatized really. I just wanted to be a fan from a distance, lurking in the shadows. You learn shit about people when put in fucked up positions. Joe budden is really an asshole, but I love him. My friend needs to attend an AA meeting but I love her for who she is. And I wouldn’t trade either of them

hope you enjoyed the fuckery.. PEACE OUT ;)