TSA

      YUUUURRRR hey bitches! Welcome back!!! You know I wouldn't be me if I didn't start this shit off with some fuckery.. Everyone come around, its story time hoes.... Ok, so back in my day I use to fly out a lot (when I say ALOT I mean ALOT... for a period of time I had a companion pass, so I was really in these streets).... I was single, and worked when I wanted to (I worked in the club so mind your business..) Sometimes I would travel just because, travel for work, travel to visit friends etc. But I was always on a plane. I never had no issue with TSA tbh until I started travel with “large sums of money” or what looked like a large sum. Boy I tell you, a couple thousand in ones looks like a million bucks to these people. Whatever, I don’t judge. So everytime I would travel, I knew my bag was gonna be searched. Like even to this day, ill have $7 in ones on me, and they still find themselves searching my fucking bags. I convinced myself they have a red flag that pops up when I pull up to the airport, like "here comes this bitch, get ready to check her shit".... 

      Ok so let me start with this one time I was flying to San Diego. It was a last min trip, like literally me and a friend of mine who lived out there decided I was gonna go out there for a few days (again, mind your fucking business lol) Its a normal travel day, line wasn’t too long.. I go through TSA, all I had was a duffle bag and my purse. I HATE CHECKING BAGS, I just hate it, I always think the worse. Like someone is just gonna steal everything in it, and just send me back the raggedy ass suitcase…. But today was different, they didn’t check my bag. IM SO SURPRISED at this point. Im like yeah bitches they finally realized they will not find no shit in my bag, SPANKY-1 TSA-0......

      Anyone that knows me, knows I hate flying...I literally have to sleep while on the plane. If I don’t fall asleep my mind starts racing and I’m thinking of all the bad things that could happen, then my anxiety starts acting up and I just wanna scream... UNLESS IM GETTING DRUNK of course lol.. But for this long ass fucking flight I decided to take a Xanax. NOT THE WHOLE THING, just a little piece to hold me over for a couple hours. A non stop flight is atleast 4 hours… But for whatever reason I had random ass stop in a random ass city, I wanna say Denver but I’m not 100% sure. But what I do know, is I was out like a light once I got on that plane. Quickest flight in my eyes cus I slept the whole time. The layover was a short one, so soon as I felt us land my only thought is “let me get off this plane and find my damn gate so I can go tf back to sleep til we board”.. Im walking off the plane, and I’m not BIG HIGH but if you ever took a xan then you know they make you feel a lil wooozzzzyy once you’re up. But when I got off the plane, I see two white men standing not too far from the gate, and a third one a few feet away from them. THEYRE LOOKING AT ME.. at this point I’m thinking either A. im high and just bugging B. They were gonna kidnap me and sell me into sex trafficing and I was gonna be put on the black market by the morning or C. They're cops…. They looked like the feds tbh, one had on a fucking Red Sox shirt… like bitch we aint in Boston what type of shit is this.. but in my mind I’m like I don’t do shit for these bitches to be looking at me… so I’m sticking with B. Once my brain figures out that my body can not be sold into sex trafficimg, I find myself doing a light dash to the nearest batthroom.

      Not too quick bitch… I hear my WHOLE name called out behind me, right before I make it to the bathroom. I turn around, and just as I thought these crackers were watching me. And they’re now surrounding me. “Have to use the bathroom bad huh?” So now I’m like bitchhhh, I’m finna get took this is crazy.. They then proceed to tell me that “an aynonomus tip said that I had something in my bag” So at this point I’m thinking this is a joke.. ME??? Am I being punk’d???? Wheres the camears. They show me their badges and ask to look in my bag.. also asking if I checked a bag, but of course I didn't.. and since they knew my WHOLE DAMN NAME, bitch they knew I didn't have a checked bag too. While opening my bag they ask “do you have any thing sharp in here? Any drugs? A large sum of money?” I’m like, I have probably $200 cash on me and half a Xanax, if thats illegal then take me to jail hoe....  While they’re checking they start asking about who I’m going to see, why, and why I booked my flight so last minute… 

      I really be trying to be nice, but I hate people messing with me. Bitch y’all didnt get a tip, y'all thought for whatever fucking reason that Im traveling to San Diego to smuggle drugs or some shit... So I'm answering their lil questions but I have the meanest attitude, my panties are on the seat next to my club outfit... I'm like bitch y'all coulda brought the dogs out if you thought I had drugs, you clearly see I don't have shit in there. They proceed to say that a lot of girls are forced to travel with a large sum of money ????? well bitch I aint that dumb and quite frankly I know y'all be on be sooooo WHY TF WOULD I DO THAT DUMB SHIT...."So who booked your flight".... Im like a friend.... One of these niggas gonna say this mans name.... I looked him dead in his eyes and said so why tf did you just ask me who if yall knew who???????? Literally at this point I feel like telling them they can get my bags, IM FINNA HEAD OUT! Once they checked every corner of my damn bags, they apologized.. again ?????????? BITCH leave me aione I don't want your apology... Right before I walked away to go to my gate, I said pleaseeeeee please take me off whatever list I'm on, because clearly you guys are wasting time with me..... 

       I got to my gate, my flight was boarding... I got on fell back asleep and ended up in San Diego. Had a nice lil weekend. When I traveled home they didn't check my bagsss!!! I was souped like YEAH BITCH I TOLD THEM.... Plot twist, now TSA don't really mess with me anymore or whoever the fuck was messing with me... CUSTOMS AND BORDER CONTROL HATE MEEEE, I just feel like they took me off that list and slipped my name on another... Moral of the story..... Don't travel with drugs or a large sum of money if you're traveling with me