.....Part two Jamaica, Jamaica

                                                       

   Eventually we all started getting ready, not even knowing what we were going to be doing... All we knew was that we were gonna all be pretty light skinned girls, drunk somewhere in a club. So we were given two options, and being US, we didn't care where we were going as long as there was liquor and music it was going to be a successful night.... again so we  thought. We end up picking some random ass place, all we knew was that it was in Queens and it was called Karens Place or something along those lines. In the middle of getting dressed I'm trying to google this place to see what type of music they play, dress code (not like it matters for females but you know) I really was just curious about this place that I never heard of.... Eventually i just gave up cus honestly, I've been to New York two times in my life, I dont know shit out here anyway...

      So at this time were 100% SOBER. None of you twitter fucks used your fucking brains and told us that liquor stores in NYC are closed on Sundays  Like wtf who does shit like that? I'm from fucking Taunton and our liquor stays open to atleast 10, yall gotta really get your proprieties straight. Lacy lives out there, so shes the one who made the plans for us. Around 1230ish her people that were going to bring us to the club show up. Boy oh boy, they walk in our room with NO alcohol in their hands. That was the beginning of this interesting fucking night. We specifically told them come through to pregame (the only reason why they actually went into the hotel) butimsleeptho....

      Whatever so we end up heading out. Taking two cars cus we were pretty deep. Started our journey to this club in queens, dog i get so mad every time I say that. We go through a toll, stay on the highway for some time, go down a few side streets and i hear "its right there"... SOOOOO now in my lil greedy mind I'm like "OH YEAH WERE STOPPING TO GET FOOD YAY YAY YAY" but nah... this nigga goes around the corner and parks the car. I'm just lost like, we are on a street with houses. There's a fucking park to the right of us, where are we and what do you think youre gonna do to us because my mother loves me and she will notice if i dont ever update my facebook status again...

      He goes "this is the club", were just here early. OK, so I understand we're in New York and all but theres no way that we were THAT early NO line, NO SIGN OF FUCKING LIFE ANYWHERE... So first thing I said was "Well this looks wack already, so I'm not going"... He turns around from rolling his blunt or whatever the fuck it was, and he goes "It will get popping around 2:30, Jamaicans are always late".... NIGGA WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME??????? So now I know that this is a "club" that looks like a corner store that sells plates of food, and that there are gonna be nothing but Jamaicans there, great just fucking great. So in my head im thinking, were all yellow with long nice hair, GOD WE ARE GOING TO DIE TONIGHT. So we start pulling the "We are over dressed" line....this lil shit was quick he came back with the "Nah Jamaican girls always make sure to show out when they come, you guys are fine".... Lord, in a way he was right. Later we ended up seeing a couple females in prom dresses but you know im not here to judge anyone..

if you look to the far right you can see
the girl in the prom dress

      I still wasnt gonna budge though, no way was I going to pay to get into a "club" that could be mistaken as a house party, I refuse to die from a bullet in Queens on this Sunday night.. Just refused, I'm good. So he convinces us with his little convincing ass that we wont have to pay becasue were going deep. So now im just thinking, yay we can just all chip in and take a cab to a NORMAL club. Shit idc if thats cheap or not, I was NOT paying to get into a wack place NOPE, NAH wasnt happening not on my watch. We get to the door, and they say $20 each. LMFAOOOOOOOOOO yeah ok, im like leggo ladies, the city awaits us.. These dudes DID not want us to leave tho, they ended up paying $180 just to get us to walk into this place. Well, we walk in and it looks like someones babyshower was going on. DOG what did we just get ourselves into. Not to mention we were THE ONLY PEOPLE THERE besides the DJ, and the bartender. But in their defense these niggas went and bought a bottle of Hennessy  YESSSAHHHHHH.. Jesus the way to my heart is through my liver so they went from bad to WONDERFUL in 8.7 seconds.... But you know what that hennessy does (or maybe you dont, if you dont then you might wanna get hip to life)..... no matter where you are, or what youre doing Hennessy will always turn a bad night into the night of your life. And thats exactly what it did. We finished the first bottle in minutes, literally. Because we all filled our cups up with JUST Hennessy and drank it as if our lives depended on it.

This was their bar. TALK ABOUT GHETTO

      Now we could either sit around and bitch and complain about how small the place was, how they served the bottle in a bowl full of ice, how we were still the only people there and it was 215 BUT we decided to just take advantage and turn the fuck up... TURNDOWNFAWHAAAAAA??? Eventually they get a second bottle, and finally people started showing up. Not like it mattered anyway, these people hated us. We were the youngest people there, and not to honk our horns but we were the most attractive. THEY HATED US WITH EVERY BREATH THEY TOOK. Females lookin like keyshia coles mother and all, walking through our circle while we were dancing. Females always wanna try some shit. Too bad we arent real hoodrats, we just continued drinkin and dancing as if we were in an acutal club... So after a few cups, we all just come to conclusion that we can go back to the hotel and find something else to do. You know since we were in the city that doesnt sleep. Soon as homeboys saw we wanted to leave they bought ANOTHER bottle. So me, im just happy that theres music and Hennessy, its really not that hard to make me happy.....  But this got damn place was filling up and ALL EYES WERE ON US. Not one single soul was dancing but us.

      I invited my homie Henzo out to the "club", I mean if we were gonna be drunk and black in a random place I wanted a familiar face around. So by the third bottle everyone ends up bringing drinks to him. Filling his cup up with Hennessy  LMFAO we are horrible, giving another nigga some other dudes liquor, BUT HEY WE TRIED TO LEAVE ITS THEIR FAULT NOT OURS. As a team, all of us decided that we should just leave because there no way the night was gonna end well since the whole club was STILL just staring at us like we were fucking dinosaurs.. So we continue drinking up the liquor while trying to figure out our escape plan.

      So we just volunteered Henzo and his car to bring us back to Manhattan  But little did we know this nigga had a two seater LMFAO. Oh let me not forget, were still in the "club" and Kimmy and Clap grab a wallet, look at me and say WE ARE LEAVING LETS GO (dog, if yall read my blog post about joe budden then you would know that my frans are obvioulsy thieving ass hoes..... Take them to meet a rapper, they try to steal. Take them out to a Jamaican spot they try to steal.I REALLY DONT KNOW WHERE I FOUND THESE PEOPLE)  So now we really have to leave. Fuck, I just wanted to drink some more but you couldnt leave the place with alcohol  Well unless you were smart like mama spank... I filled my cup up with Hennessy  put my jacket on. Two of our girls wanted to stay the rest of the night tho, so i said my goodbyes and walked out that bitch. I find the lil thieves on a step looking so fucking suspicious.. They just start laughing "Spank, guess what we did" so im like "i know wtf yall did, yall aint shit... yall stole a wallet, i know.. all im asking is that you guys buy me some food"... but no, there was more.. "We stole Rubys wallet".. Now for those of you that dont remember or didnt even read the fucking first post... RUBY CAME TO NEW YORK WITH US. My frans are blondes and they deserved that.. These bitches stole from their own fran. Didnt take karma no time to bite them in the asses..

      The two girls that planned on staying end up coming out because they were mad and scared shitless cus someone "stole" Rubys wallet. Ummm no nigga, your frans did LMFAO. Thats deff a story to tell their kids. Henzo ended up helping us get a cab from queens back to the hotel room.. Before we got back to the room we got beer, because thats all CVS had (and Doritos  two  bags at that) We end up drinking talking, bullshitting, drinking a lil more, eating Mcdonalds... Everyone slowly dropped like flies though. Me, Ruby and Henzo were still up though just talking and bullshitting. We all of a sudden have a random awkward silence, and suddenly Clap wakes up from her dead ass sleep and starts twerking... LIKE NIGGA I MEAN, TWERKKKK TEAM TWERKING. Shes fully clothed, drunk as shit, on all fours on this hotel bed throwing it back as if she was fucking someone. Now dont get me wrong, it sounds so fucking weird but that is Clap for you. You have to expect the unexpected when youre her fran. We finish the bag of Doritos and we all just knock out.

      We woke up and the vacation has come to an end :( We ended up being hoodrats one last tine. Running the streets of New York trying to find food. Walking for blocks singing every old school R&B song you can think of at the top of our lungs. Doing the "bernie", really just being young racthets in action. And that was our trip.. One thing I learned from all this is was one, dont trust any "club" that you cant find on google. And two, once Jamaican woman hit 30 they end up going out in prom dressses..... BYE
                                                 

New York, New York (part 1)

      So it was a normal Tuesday night on twitter.. I'm siting here watching all my followers, some being creeps and sick ass pervs... a few bitches posting thirst traps, you know a normal night. I then see my girl clap talking about how shes going to New York for the weekend...... BITCH WHAT??? i moved to Maryland and she all of a sudden she thinks she can move around and visit other states without my approval? NAH. I was more hurt than anything, so i did what any real nigga would do... Invited myself. I started picking out "new yorky" outfits to bring with me. Had my bags back by 3am Wednesday morning, shit the lonely life is real around here... Saturday morning couldn't come any quicker.. I bought my ticket for 8am. I wanted to be out there some what earlier, because when you start drinking at before 1pm your day is bound to be awesome....

      Friday came along, my bus ticket was paid for, my bags were packed, and I was mentally ready to have a mini vaca with clap... My girl from out here ask if I wanted to go to the club with her though. So me being a "smart" individual I say YESSS.. I had it all planned out in my head, I can just go out come home, shower and go straight to the station... SMFH I dont even know who I am b, cus I ended up getting so fucking drunk....Typical Spank though.. I walked in there sober, telling myself "Spank, you're gonna only have a couple drinks"... Haha if only I knew how to listen.. Wale ends up in MY VIP (I say my VIP cus I was there first but whatever) So these coons are poppin bottles, you know how it goes when rappers are in the club... Im just there, drunk as shit... Dancing with two cups in my hand. One henny straight, and the other was some mixed drink... Not to mention I got one of my DC homies passing me champagne, i was really just a drunk ass black girl. IDK who raised me dog. But that's besides the point.. I end up missing my first bus to New York...LMFAO, i really aint shit... I had to pay another $40 to catch the next bus which was at 9:30. So i just sat around, Hennessy coming out my pores feeling like a homeless bum.

      So this bus took years, I fell asleep most of the time but still I was on it for too damn long.... Next time someone remind me to take the train cus I'm not for that staying on a bus forever life. I get to New York and its snowing. GREAT. This bus drops me off in the middle of the street, not sure if im drunk, or hungover yet. I'm just THERE. So I speak to clap, her and the girls are at the hotel, which was only a few blocks away... So again, in my head im like "bet, lemme get my sex in the city on and catch a gotdamn cab" NAHHHHHH wasn't that easy. I was waving down these fucktard ass cabs for longer than 45 mins. I even contemplated on just laying in the middle of the street and letting the yellow cabs kill me, I mean my friends didn't care that I was just stuck on a random street and couldn't catch a cab, why should I?

      I get to the hotel, cold as shit (Not to mention my drunk ass forgot my coat on my bed)\... We're sitting there, had to wait because check in wasnt til 3... ladeedeeladeedoo, there was a total of 5 girls, including me. Ruby, Charlie, Kimmy, and Clap. We get up to our room, and we turn up.. Like, on some sober turn up shit. Eventually our girl Lacy brings the liquor, praise lord jesus christ. Were getting ready with Meek Mills dreams and nightmares intro on repeat because only real niggas do real things.. Were taking shots, chasing it with more liquor. Trying to figure out what were gonna get into for the night. So eventually, we figure out that were gonna go to BB Kings. Now me, being a joe budden fan, I know he performed there... So my creep ass just wanted to go for that one reason, I know I need jesus. We were all just about ready, me and Kimmy (she low key was my partner in crime) decided to play ding dong ditch. We both were dressed. Her with a cute lil mini skirt, and me with leggings on OF COURSE.. We had on the highest of heels, but for some sick reason we decided to run around the fucking hotel hallways, again idk who fucking raised me dog. Thank god we didn't get caught, two grown ass woman getting kicked outta the Westin for knocking on random doors, smfh.

      Kimmy ended up losing her phone on the way there(talk about being a blonde.. jkjk i love you girl sorry for your lost), we get to BB kings and she finally realizes this. While shes pancaking about where her phone is people are staring at us like they aint never saw ass before. A group of kids (ages from 17 to like 19) were asking me all types of questions. "who are you" "what do you do" "are you famous". so what do you think I said? FUCK YES IM FAMOUS.... who cares if I'm only famous in my head??? These kids don't know that.... Outside of this club taking instagram pics with them like I'm important n shit, too bad they didn't know that i work a 9-5 and take the train to work...Fuck it I'm in NY, I can live this fake life..

      We get in the club and its just as great. The females I was with were getting treated like the princesses they are, we were just flourishing all over NYC. We were having a good time. Now, lemme just say. You New York niggas ALL NEED JESUS. Yall see females and start grabbing and licking your lips, staring us down with sex in your eyes, chill out b.. thats mad fucking creepy for real. It was just different. Idk maybe its normal out there but nah... I dont know how many times I threatened to kill a nigga for grabbing one of my girls.... And not even on no cock blockin shit either, on some "you look like you could be my uncle, fall the fuck back before you get this 6 inch heel up your ass... real nigga wussup" type shit.

      So the club ended up being a success, we all got drunk and had the best time. We stumble into the hotel lobby, all eyes were on us. The concierge, all the security guards everyone just stopped and waited to see what we were going to do next. These people really thought we were something important, lmfao pssstttt, hey who are we to change their views on that?? We ended up meeting a black dude in the elevator that invited us to his room. Fuck it, we were all hungry so we might as well get some food.... Plus it would be hard to kill a group of black girls, you know with the loud mouths and everything. We walk in, and everyone is drunk as shit, but i wasnt "SPANKY BLACK GIRL DRUNK"....I was "lemme watch out for my drunk girlfrans" drunk.. Something about this dude was kind of off, but shit if he was harbouring some food I guess he could be as weird as he wanted to be .. The girls start conversing with the two dudes in the room, and I just happen to look to the right and see a bunch of coke on the table. Just coke, there..on the table..Now I'm all for niggas getting it how they live it, thats really none of my business if this random dude was selling coke to feed his family TIL I saw the rolled up dollar bills... NAH nope, were good... Soon as I saw that I knew it was TTG.... Not trained to go but TIME TO GO... I grab these bitches, and tell them we have to leave NOW. A couple were confussed and lost cus they didnt see what i saw. Lacys drunk ass is over in the corner staring out the window at the sky like a fucking creep of nature.... I grabbed them all and forced their drunk ass down the stairs. We finally got to our room and the drunk slumber beings.

      The next day was filled with a bunch of hoodrat fuckery. Walking blocks, getting lost tying to find burger king while ending up at mcdonalds. Everytime we crossed the street we would do our "drake" dance and scream at the top of our lungs singing STARTED FROM THE BOTTOM all off beat n shit. Just 6 bitches all shapes and sizes acting like we had no type of house training. NYC was not ready for these Massachusetts girls, obviously... The day consist of us lamping around and doing a whole bunch of nothing. It was cold as shit and windy, fuck did we look like site seeing in NYC??? But tonight, of course tonight would be the turn up, or so we thought.......