Now with that being said, lets start this shit. Iight, sooooo its a normal UMD ( a college in Mass) Thursday night. EVERY single Thursday that me and my fran Clap are out there we are DRUNK ASS BITCHES, MEAT BALL WASTED, intoxicated beyond belief. BUT this one night was different. We sat around, sipped a LITTLE, talked about jesus and religion for madddd long. YES i said jesus, and sippin in the same sentence. We always fuckin do that, we'll get into our deepest convos while slow sipping the devils piss. But back to the story. We hear of a party so we're like fuck it lets ride out. Mind you, WE ARE SOBER. We have alcohol in our system, but I know when im drunk and when im sober. I was sober Sally and Clap was sober Stacey. I knew I was sober just because it was a tad bit nippy outside, drunk people dont remember shit nor do they feel the coldness of the wind blowing.
We get to the party, and everyone is wack. WACK, like fuckinggggg wack. You got the white loose woman to the left playin beer pong with white boys and the token black dudes. You got the fine lil sophomore boys in the corner looking oh so good with their young asses. You got a few black girls in the corner mean mugging. I just felt mad wack being there, it just wasn't the type of vibe I liked being in. But whatever, me and Clap were gonna turn the fuck up. Wack or not, sober and all.
We start off just talkin to some random ass black kid who somewhat resembled a cousin of mine (who also goes to that school) the kid was so fucking weird, but we were bored so we kept talkin to him. Now we're being semi loud, but come on we're at a party why the fuck would we be quiet? This aint church nigga. We throw our twitter names around, were joking laughing, dancing. People are fucking with us hard cus shit who wouldnt? We're cool, decent looking girls that really just wanted to have fun.
I hope you're paying attention by now. Some shit popped off involving some people that I wont talk about cus its basically irrelevant. BUT lets just say I go outside for air. Im outside inhaling the sweet toxins of underage drinkers n shit. OH AND BY THE WAY WERE STILL FUCKIN SOBER. The whole point of this is coming next....... Duh duh duhhhhhduh
Clap grabs the door knob and says "lets go spank, were goin back in the party" so I look at her, like nah bitch I aint ready. It was packed, sweaty and wack. Lemme breathe b. She opens the door now, and is trying to make me go in but i really just wanted to be outside. Out the cut some BIG black fucking donkey kong ass nigga comes out the wood works and says "CLOSE THE FUCKING DOOR".... Now for those of you that dont know Clap, she is full blooded puerto rican but that chick can get really muthafucking ghetto, and quick. She looks this 6'11 348lbs ass nigga in his eyes and shes like "NIGGA FUCK YOU, I AINT CLOSING SHIT ...YOU KNOW WHO THE FUCK I AM?!" By now im like man, claps hoodrat ass can never just shut up. Im probably like 6 feet away, just watching cus clap is standing her ground, even tho donkey kong really looked like he wanted to bite her head off. 2 random boys get in between the two because Donkey kong kept saying"imma fuck this bitch up" and quite frankly he wasnt joking.
NOW everyone knows, as soon as someone gets inbetween a fight, a punch is soon to be thrown. Thats just the way shit goes. All i see is a BIGGGG BLACKKK hand going towards my frans face. Now clap aint no bitch, but I felt like a momma cheetah tryna protect her babies... I intercept that damn hand and punch this big Shaquille o'neal nigga square in the cheek. I felt like a power ranger man, i jumped into it and all. I looked up and knew i done fucked upppppppp, now his gorilla hand was heading towards my face.
Ahhhhhhh fuck. He mushed the shit outta me.. aint gonna lie, my face got pushed the fuck back and as soon as i look up im like "ohhh no this nigga did not".. But while i look up, BOOM clap punches this nigga in his face. LMFAOOOO man i smiled on the inside. Clap is really for that life, with her puerto rican ass... So NOW people wanna drag him in the house, NOW they wanna stop this shit. Oh nah shit was too late now. Being the hoodrats we are, were worked THE FUCK UP!! y'all aint stopping shit now....
Ok, so this part makes me giggle everytime. Some 5'7 stocky black nigga comes running outside like a mad man. You can tell hes a football player, but for some sick reason i thought i could take him. Ask me why im thinking i can fight a man, idk what the fuck be going through my thick ass skull sometimes. So this dude is cussing, so im cussing back on my YOLO i aint everrr scared (in my best bone crusher voice) shit.. This nigga looks me dead in my eyes, and squares up...
OH my fucking baby jesus my heart dropped, this was a two weeks before my birthday so i was crying inside like "man imma have a black eye for my 21st, how am i gonna cover this shit, WTF im blaming clap for all this, i aint rolling with her nowhere ever again" .. Even with all them thoughts, i still squared up. Spank aint a sucka, she may be a dumb fucking bitch but she aint a sucka. So were squaring up, im prayin my inner Muhammad Ali comes out or one of these MUTHAFUCKERS that are watching jumps in. Oh no, I literally see it in his eyes that hes bouta knock me out til some time tomorrow evening, Clap comes out the cut and punches this dude in the face BOOM. LMFAO another moment that I just laughed on the inside.
He turns to her, and pushes the shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit out of her. Poor girl fell and all. Arms out, straight on her back, YOU HAD TO HAVE BEEN THERE. Shit was slow motion. Now its my time to attack, I do a slick ass move kinda like the Michael jackson spin on crack and punch the nigga in his face BOOM, he pushes the black off of me. But my stance is so mean that i just kinda sorta stumbled (he must really suck at football).. Clap goes in again for one last punch.. This chick got heart I tell ya, but the nigga pushes her again. Oh but NOW niggas wanna tackle him and walk him away like he just fought a bunch of niggas. NOWWWW they wanna stop this shit, after they got their entertainment in for the night..
All that, and I remember it ALL, I remember my heart beating as fast as a 13 year old kids hand the first time he beats off. Mannnnn how the fuck do i explain this to my kids? MY mommy fought two boys, got jumped by messicans and quit her job on the first day in a recession. Smh, im such a horrible role model b. OH and by the way, this will be my LAST blog entry about fighting though, im all about peace, and being positive. Well not really, but im trying to be. So I hope you enjoyed the ratchetness while it lasted
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